Happiness is a Long Run with Friends

A man is in a quandary.  His daughter’s wedding falls on a Saturday at noon, which conflicts with his weekly group run with his friends.  He needs the miles to keep his average weekly mileage up, but promises his wife that he is only going to run ten miles and come straight home.  “Look” he says “we start at 7:00.  I’ll run ten miles and won’t stick around to chat.  I’ll be home by 9:00.”  The wife doesn't believe him because he always runs at least 15 and usually 20 miles. 

On his way to meet his friends he sees a woman who is having car trouble so he stops to help.  She is so grateful that she invites him to her house and offers him some sports drink.  He knows he shouldn't, but figures he could still get to the trail and run five miles.  Well, one thing leads to another and they wind up in bed together.  By this time it is almost 11:00.  On his way home he is trying to think up an excuse to tell his wife.  He finally decides to just tell her the truth.  When he walks in the door his wife is standing there waiting for him.

"Where the hell have you been?" she asks.  "I was on my way to meet the guys and stopped to help a woman who was having car trouble.  She invited me to her place for some sports drink and we wound up in bed together."

His wife just looks at him and says, "You lying S.O.B., you ran 20 miles and you know it."

This joke is preposterous.  Let’s analyze it.

Where is this guy’s man-card?  A dude who lets his women schedule anything that could interfere with his running is foolish.

Stopping, to help the woman with car trouble?  This guy is clearly weak-willed and easily distracted.  Does the lion stop to help the hyena when he is chasing the gazelle? 

Sports drink is fuel, not refreshment.  ‘Nuff said.  If she were truly grateful, she would have told him how hot he looked in tights.

How does this runner let himself get lured into bed with this woman?  We yadda, yadda, yadda over that part.  This shows his lack of discipline.  Everyone knows running is better than sex.  That moment of passion, how long does that last?  Barely long enough to break a sweat.  What kind of a workout is that?  You burn more calories running a 5K and usually end up with a T-shirt for your efforts.